wishes for the god inside the god

i want to smell like a cedar grove after the rain 
when the sun slants in through the canopy
steaming the path with combustion and rot
 
i want to sound like the ocean when the storm
has passed overnight and the swells from a thousand 
miles of wind heave lift and shatter
 
i want to grow like a blackberry thicket my fingers 
consecrating all open air with tendril and thorn 
pulling up the horizon pushing down into earth
 
i want to love like a fog wrapping each exposed leaf
each word of desire or complaint uttered each anger
and forgiveness each blade of the silken web
 
i want to pray like i am a god—like i am the light itself
swallowing a river in the aorta and trachea in each root  
i wish to bless bless the vacuum from inside the air
 
i wish to wish to be able to wish to give a silver list 
of ecstasies to the ghosts i wish to allow my children
speak to these spirits i wish to be ready for the breaking
 
whatever the breaking is this earth this heaven these depths
hold me in your vermillion grip help me chose the holiest words
to heal the breaking as it crushes my hands
 
in that very moment let me embrace god’s jaw
and the tender holding of the children inside ourselves
and the ones sleeping in our arms