A Lesser Light to Govern the Night

        How many times 
am I going to wish I could still pray 
        to a god I believed could take all the pain away
before I break down and do it
                and return to the soothing rituals of religion
knowing it's all a lie
                because I know it's true that it'll make me feel better
        even if only for a little while?

        Things aren't looking good today
but no worse than yesterday
                so I guess it's just wishing
        and wanting for a better world
                        remembering back to when there were names I could call
                like Jesus Christ
                        Lamb of God
                Mommy
                        Daddy
        Kelsey
                        that could give me the peace of unquestioning faith
                                in unconditional love.

        I think I'll just dial Kelsey's old number again
                        there's a better chance she'll answer
                than the dead
                        or the deity

        Maybe I can memorize one of my love letters to her
                and recite it like a prayer
        ten times in a row
                        till rote memory
                makes all the thinking stop
                        and faith in bigger and better things seems real again

I'm crumbling just a little now
        just a little

I'm saying
        I'm a wretched sinner

because it's so much more soothing
        and simple than

I'm a broke down bitter lost miserable love ravaged loser

        and that's good enough to make me forget about wishing there 
         was a god who could save me
                till at least morning