The thing that they’re famous for is being champion animal
survivors.—Dr. Paul Bartels, “Tardigradology,” Oologies podcast hosted by Alie Ward, September 18, 2024.
Be a slow stepper. Favor
sediment over sentiment.
Don’t be picky about your food.
Carry your sleeping bag everywhere.
Enjoy sex. Enjoy sex a lot.
If you can, change genders.
Cherish your microcosm.
Let people think
you come from another planet
That you and the vacuum
are on a first name basis
That you could survive
an atomic bomb. Don’t worry
about the mistakes they make
on the Internet. Much will be wrong
in a world too big for its britches.
A world that can’t be bothered
to question a meme will not care
that you have 1400 ways of being.
If you can, biofluoresce.
Ignore the names they call you
you know who you are.
Move away from the light
as needed. Enjoy a long nap
Four year. Eight years.
Whatever it takes. Remember to hydrate.
