Elsie and Frances of Cottingley near Bradford, England, at the beck,
It has come to our attention that certain photographic plates developed by yourselves are being used to substantiate claims of fairies by the Theosophical Society of Bradford. This situation is most inconvenient and should be rectified at your earliest convenience. Fairies do not exist.
Elsie and Frances of Cottingley,
Hoodwinking an esteemed author is one thing; allowing him to make a fool of himself in The Strand Magazine with your claims is wholly another. We enjoy a bit of fun as much as anyone—maybe more than most—but this is too much. There are no “Cottingley fairies.” Sir Doyle may not know it, but you certainly do.
Elsie and Frances, Cottingley, beck, etc.
The joke has gone on long enough. We’ll admit to being slightly amused at first, but no longer. You are not now, nor have you ever been, in the presence of fairies.
Elsie and Frances,
Additional photographs? Really? Perhaps we have not said it plainly enough, so here it is: stop this at once. Paper and paste do not a fairy make. We advise you to focus on your admittedly prodigious photography skills and leave the matter of fairies well enough alone.
Elsie and Frances,
We’ve refrained from threats thus far; we feel it is beneath us. However, your repeated insistence that these photographs are authentic is becoming tiresome. Fairies do not wear fashionable French dress and hairstyles. That would be ludicrous. How would they ever endeavor to stay hidden in the beck boasting the latest in Parisian fashion? Now stop this tomfoolery at once lest we find ourselves compelled to act outside our nature.
Elsie and Frances,
Perhaps we got ahead of ourselves in our previous correspondence. The men at Kodak said fairies don’t exist and the photographs must be faked, so there you have it. Case closed and all that.
Elsie and Frances,
Regarding your last: what do fairies have to do with it? Mind your seances and ghosts where spiritualism is concerned and leave fairies alone. I’m sure the ghosts would’ve contacted you by now if they had a problem with it.
Elsie and Frances,
Most certainly not! Since when has a concerned party reaching out been proof of anything? Our opinions are our own and our correspondence doubly so. Fairies, if they did exist, would be appalled by the implication.
Elsie and Frances,
We do not often meddle in human affairs, and we’ve now been reminded of why. You really are incorrigible creatures. The hatpins and strings in the photos are entirely obvious, by the by.
Elsie and Frances,
We tire of this whole affair. Leave off with the letters in the glade. We’ll be ignoring them to get soggy in the rain henceforth.
Elsie and Frances, sometimes of Cottingley,
There’s no such thing as fairies, and if there were you’d be doing them a horrible disservice representing them to the public with all this spiritualism and photographic frippery. Show some respect. Honestly, when did humans lose all sense of reverence? A little old-fashioned fear would do you two good. We have nothing more to say on this matter.
